Take life in your own hands

Look around. Do you see? I don’t mean literally, but figuratively. What is missing from your life right now? What would your life make complete? The restrictions of the current pandemic aside, do you think of anything you wanted that hasn’t happened yet? There is an erroneous belief that when we get what we want, we will be happy. Experience has taught me that longing for something that is absent from my life rarely improves it. There must be a deeper desire to change our circumstances, aligned with our core values.

If we want things to change, we must start with ourselves. Sometimes it can come from frustration with the way things are or from realizing something is missing. For example, if we feel lonely, we may want to be intimate to make up for our loneliness. But are we making the right decision or are we trying to fill a void that can be achieved in another way? For example, we can pursue a hobby or lend our support by volunteering at a charity, where we find deeper meaning and purpose. Here, we may or may not attract a relationship because that is not our main goal. Our intention is to ease our loneliness and be surrounded by like-minded people.

For example, do you think about trying to fix a problem that didn’t go as planned? Did you consider alternative solutions or did you focus on a particular outcome? What I’m trying to say is: we must keep an open mind and explore other possibilities if we want to change our lives. Regretting how things are without acting is a recipe for disappointment. It requires taking life into our own hands and looking for solutions. We may not know what the best result is until we test it in practice. So trying to heal our loneliness through a relationship comes with its problems. Similarly, giving our time through volunteer work also has problems, but the benefits are greater.

Align with your core values

Unfortunately life is not as well organized as we would like it to be and this has its benefits, which we may not appreciate. But if we consider our actions as possible learning experiences, we cannot win or lose. In which case, we take an optimistic outlook when a situation doesn’t play out as expected. Are you happy with this idea, that it’s okay to make mistakes as long as you are learning important lessons and not punishing yourself? Life can be an imperfect school, where each experience is a stepping stone to further growth and expansion. We should not view our experiences as winning or losing because that puts pressure on us to be successful. And as you know, success is the result of repeated failures and losses.

I relate to this because in my 20s and 30s, I made a lot of mistakes and thought I was cursed or doomed. But looking back, I can see how those experiences had to happen, as I gained the wisdom and knowledge not to repeat them. So whatever your life is missing, consider three workarounds. Don’t be too quick to jump to the first one that comes to mind. Take the time to try it out, as ideas on paper or by consulting with friends and family. You may not take any action because sometimes doing nothing can be a blessing in disguise. I encourage you to journal your thoughts before committing to a particular path.

To improve our circumstances, we must not believe that life will do it for us. It requires a strong desire, aligned with our core values, and exploring various options. Even then, there is no assurance that we have made the right decision, as life offers no guarantees. So be curious about the process and view your decisions as pieces of a puzzle coming together. It requires being patient, curious, and not fixated on a particular result. We must keep an open mind and a soft heart, so that life can bring us what we need at the right time.