Here are some suggestions for developing boundaries:

1) Help the person identify areas of their life that show a lack of boundaries.

2) Help the person explore the reason for the lack of boundaries (for example, is she afraid of being disliked or rejected if she has boundaries?).

3) Have people build relationships with people who have strong boundaries and who will encourage the person to set their own.

4) Help the person identify how successful and caring people always have strong boundaries.

5) Show the person how even Christ had strong boundaries.

6) Make the person take charge of his own problems and do not allow him to play the victim or blame others. (e.g., the client is not allowed to say I’m going broke because Johnny keeps turning up the thermostat. The real reason the client is going broke is because they don’t have a firm limit to prevent Johnny from turning up the thermostat.) thermostat). ).

7) Help people set limits and establish consequences with people who push, manipulate, control, or otherwise break boundaries.

8) Teach the person that it is still okay to give freely and even sacrificially (sometimes) to people who really need help. Having limits does not mean that one lacks grace, mercy, or charity.

The anatomy of a limit

Boundaries have a simple anatomy: there are two basic parts to a boundary. The first is to set the limit and is called the If You part. The second is the consequence and defense of the limit, it is called the So I part.

If you:

If you separate is a description of an unacceptable transgression. Describe the specific boundary and how it should not be crossed. For example, if a person’s limit refers to someone else taking their car without permission, the statement if you could be: If you take my car without my permission.

I will do that:

The I part of a boundary details the action one will take to protect the boundary. For example, using the car scenario, the statement I will can sound like: I will report my car stolen to the police and then press charges against you.

(Sounds harsh? It’s not! If someone takes someone else’s car without permission, they are breaking the law and must be held accountable. Stealing from friends and family is still stealing. Of course, the person who has the habit of taking someone else’s car must be well informed of the limits.Imagine borrowing someone’s car, thinking you agree with it, and then getting arrested!Therefore, there is a need to clearly communicate the limits of each other).

Other examples include:

If you’re late for our date, I won’t go out with you.

If you hit me, I’ll call the police and get a restraining order against you.

If you scream, I’ll stop talking to you.

If you forget to turn in your homework, I’ll fail you.

It is not enough to set limits, it is necessary to enforce them. The worst thing a person can do is set a limit and then fail to carry out their compliance strategy. If a person doesn’t respect their own boundaries, why should anyone else?

Sometimes people are not ready to set limits. For example, if a person wants to set limits in a relationship, but is not willing to leave the relationship, do not have that person set. I will leave the relationship as a consequence. The I Will Consequence should be something they are willing to enforce, such as: I will leave the house and call you the next day to discuss the problem. Setting limits is not about making threats. It’s about respecting and taking care of yourself. Some people can become too rigid with their limits. Think about the person who set the line: if you say something I don’t like, I’ll yell at you and insult you. Obviously, not all limits are good. People need to consider the ways in which their limits can harm others (and themselves). The telephone psychologist can help you.