I am the beneficiary of three lovely grandchildren. With ages ranging from six months to 3½ years, these are busy days. The two oldest children belong to my son and daughter-in-law; the baby is the first child of my daughter and her husband. Each grandchild has their own special and distinct personality and they keep mom and dad skipping the days we visit or care for them. The role of grandparents is a fun and exciting challenge.

I guess the only potential problem that could arise between children, parents and grandparents is discipline. While our oldest son has a casual approach that works out of exhausting exhausting meltdowns, our daughter plans to take on a much tighter role with her daughter from the start. With 250 miles separating families, disagreement over parenting techniques rarely comes up more than in the “middle man” conversation one sibling might have with me about the other’s behaviors and reactions. As a mom to both of us, I try to nod, agree or disagree, while trying to keep the situation friendly. So far this has served me well, but two upcoming family vacations have me a little nervous.

The first comes this June when we plan to spend eight days in our rustic cabin. Built in the late 30’s, we’ve added conveniences like running water and a toilet, but there’s not a lot of privacy. The bedroom is used to store bags and belongings, the open dining room and living room are the general gathering places for breakfast and games, and we all sleep together on the porch to sleep. We have a beautiful beach down the hill that we share with my sister who has a cabin next door. There is room for everyone, but will it be enough if there is a disagreement about the moods and behaviors of the children? I thought everything went well last summer, however we had two boys instead of three, a toddler and a little sister instead of two toddlers and a one year old. A discussion is required up front, but as a peacemaker, this will not be an easy role for me. Can’t they all give and take and just get along?

I’m thinking of a designated quiet time in the morning so the parents can sleep while I grab the little ones and head out for a walk. Breakfast should be a sit down and eat affair with no snacks to follow. Lunch on the beach should be simple and an afternoon of rest or siesta will be a requirement for all of us. Dinner once again calls for simplicity, and a set bedtime for the kids is an unlikely but desirable wish. A schedule for cooking, cleaning, and other chores may help. I must also add to the list of “big talk” that we all discipline with our own style and must be receptive and aware that one’s ideas do not necessarily coincide with those of other members of the family. If we have zero tolerance for yelling and fighting, I think we’ll survive. Our cabin is wonderful and it would be terrible not to be able to share this time with those I love every summer forever.

If things go well enough, we’ve also booked a vacation to Hawaii in December. With the three-bedroom condo in mind, it seems there may be separation for naps and nights and a central space for meals, games and family fun. With a beach on one side and a pool on the other, entertainment should never be a problem. The adults can play golf while mom and dad splash around and play with the little ones. Later we can join for some activities and divide for others. It seems to me that space will be a key factor in my dream world of family vacations. Once again, direct conversation is also vital.

I’ve seen other families fall apart over disagreements and I don’t want to see that with my own children. My sisters and I get along pretty well, we know when to get together and when to take some quiet, private time, so I think my own kids should be able to figure this out too. Reader input will be appreciated. Please send me a note.