There are many myths about how you can save your marriage from falling down the rabbit hole into the darkness of marital disaster. Let’s take a look at some of those myths and expose them to the truth:

1. Personality problems ruin marriages.

Research has found only the weakest connection between neuroses and “failure” in love. We all have our ‘crazy moments’ and even so called ‘normal’ people struggle on a daily basis and can, at times, react in a less than acceptable way. Being irrational is not monopolized by people with personality problems or neuroses. The key to a happy marriage, according to relationship expert John Gottman, is not having a “normal” personality and always being rational, but finding someone to fit in with.

The point is that personality problems don’t have to ruin marriages. What matters is how we treat them. If they can accommodate each other’s strange side and handle it with care, affection, and respect, their marriage can thrive.

2. Having similar interests will keep you together.

Although we share similar interests with many people, that does not necessarily mean that we like them and that we want to spend our lives with them. The enjoyment of similar interests has more to do with the interactions while doing the activity: if they are supportive, respectful and loving, the couple will stay together anyway. However, if the interactions during the activity undermine the couple’s interest in each other or if they are filled with frustration and anger, then it is not in the best interest of the marriage to continue participating in these activities together.

3. Avoiding too much conflict will ruin your marriage.

Whether you are in the low or high number of conflicts is not yet a determining factor in marital success or failure. Couples just have different styles of conflict. Some avoid it at all costs, some fight a lot, and some are able to talk things out and compromise without raising their voices. One style is not better than the other as long as the style works for both people. Partners can get into trouble if they prefer different styles and want the other to join their preference.

Happy marriages are never perfect unions but are based on deep friendship. A lasting relationship can be successful if both partners respect each other and share love for each other in small ways on an ongoing basis.

Be sure to take care of the health of your relationship and get support from a trained therapist if needed.