‘Hey, my divorce is through, let’s have a party!’ These are not words one would normally expect to find in the same sentence, but more and more of us are celebrating the end of our marriages with our knees up. Divorce celebration cards and cakes are also becoming the norm.

However, how do most of us feel about divorce parties? Would that spunky party face be a front as we danced the night away, wanting to reassure our friends and family that we’re okay, or were we actually celebrating? I guess the answer is as varied as the different people and stories in the mix.

For many people, getting divorced is incredibly distressing, especially if there are children to consider. No one gets married expecting it to end in divorce. Most of us have a romantic view of marriage, which often ends up growing old and drinking chocolate together by the fire.

When things start to go wrong, people often try many things before they finally decide to call it quits, committing to overcome infidelity, cheating, financial difficulties, or behavioral issues. Before calling the divorce attorney, they have often tried therapy, counseling from friends, family, religious advisors, mediators, or trial separations until they finally say ‘no more’.

There are also many practical issues to deal with. Finances and possessions need to be analyzed and contributed accordingly. Ownership of a 5-year CD collection or Christmas gift can suddenly reach an unprecedented level of meaning and shock, as it makes the reality of the situation even bleaker. There is rarely a reason to feel like celebrating!

Children may suffer most from divorce, feeling torn if they are asked to choose where to live or feel expected to take sides. There may even be the appearance of new stepparents who gradually make their presence felt. Issues involving children can require a lot of tolerance and patience to amicably work out custody, financial, and household arrangements. And even grown children can have a hard time coming to terms with the end of their parents’ marriage, ‘it’s not supposed to happen,’ you can hear quite often these days.

Friends may be divided in their loyalties, often refusing to take sides, but in reality they often end up in one camp. Or friendships may be lost entirely as the new single status causes discomfort or restlessness as everyone struggles to adjust to the new arrangements. It can even be an unsettling time for friends, as they can’t help but ponder the true state of their own cozy home arrangements.

After all the drama, there is often a period of grieving to resolve, a sense of loss, and a feeling of failure to process. All frustrated dreams and hopes for the future must be lamented. Post-divorce can require time to heal and lick wounds. It’s rare for both parties to feel the same way about a breakup, and over time the situation can turn sour; each party may have had very different perspectives on the marriage.

So when the dust begins to settle and you’ve tried to embark on a new home, routine, and lifestyle, throwing a party can seem like a sign that things are finally settling down and a new normal has begun to take shape.

It can be a time to yell, ‘I’m coming out the other side.’ But it’s also important to consider how the ex is feeling. If a person is clearly struggling financially or is still in a lot of pain, surely a little tact and sensitivity is appropriate.

After all, they both loved each other once. Watching your ex throw a lavish party while you can barely pay the bills seems unnecessarily cruel! And children, even adult children, can be upset if their parents are insensitive by over-celebrating at such a difficult time.

Other than that, throwing a divorce party is often an indicator that all the fuss is finally over and you can finally be yourself. All the years leading up to the divorce of negativity, pain, tolerance of a bad situation, or time spent in despair over a growing indifference between the two of you, have all finally come to an end.

Tastefully bringing friends, family and well-wishers together to share a good time and say ‘thank you’ for their help can be an important way to draw a line on the past and begin your commitment to a happier and more positive new stage in your life. .