A PRECIOUS BOND: Not to be broken

The bond between grandfather and son is a precious one and should not be broken unnecessarily.

While there is no doubt that grandparents suffer greatly from heartbreak when separated from their grandchildren, children also feel frustrated, powerless, and deprived of an important part of their future. Often the greatest source of grievance for grandparents stems from concern for the child: the shock to that child when a beloved grandparent abruptly withdraws from her life. Grandparents wonder: “Do they feel abandoned?” “Not beloved?” “Will they think it’s somehow their fault?”

The grandparent-grandchild relationship is its own entity, built on a foundation of unconditional love and mutual affection. It’s no secret that grandparents are vitally important in a child’s life. Think about your own bond with your grandparents.

The enactment of grandparent visitation laws, which provide a way to actively advocate on behalf of a child, supports that notion. Grandparent laws are intended to preserve and protect the grandparent-grandchild relationship by giving grandparents a seat in a court of law to defend a child and give them a voice. Children deserve to have all the love they can get and keep it. When a child is unreasonably denied that love, there are bound to be negative consequences.

There is a body of research indicating that when children lose access to a caring adult (such as a grandparent) with whom they have had an established relationship, they experience abandonment issues, low self-esteem, emotional disturbances, bad behavior, or withdrawal. Dr. Glenn Cartwright of McGill University is a leading authority on PAS (Parental Alienation Syndrome) which also affects grandparents through the association. I refer to this as GAS (Grandparent Alienation Syndrome). In his article, “Expanding the Parameters of Parental Alienation Syndrome,” Dr. Cartwright discusses the short-, medium-, and long-term effects of PAS. In addition to the non-custodial parent, grandparents also experience distress over the loss of their child due to sudden layoff. He explains that during the first stage, when the child experiences the loss of a grandparent or parent, it is similar to a death, only worse than an actual death because the child is unable to acknowledge or grieve the loss, and it becomes a death. great tragedy. . When the child is subjected to the continual denigration of the grandparents by the alienating parents, all good memories of them are “deliberately and systematically destroyed.”

The medium-term effects refer to the continuous absence [as opposed to initial loss] of the lost grandfather [and parent] and the effects it has on child development. What is lost is the consistency, day-to-day interaction, love and support that normally flows from grandparents and parents. Dr. Cartwright states: “Whereas in the case of death such loss is unavoidable, in the case of PAS such loss is entirely preventable and therefore inexcusable.”

For long-term effects, Professor Cartwright suggests “that everyone involved in PAS suffers some degree of long-term distress.” He likens the feelings experienced by parents and grandparents as similar to what is experienced when a child goes missing. Professor Cartwright emphasizes that it is the child who suffers the most.

Dr. Eleanor Willemsen, a professor of developmental psychology at Santa Clara University, in her article “Best Interests Of a Child,” describes the effects on a child when attachments are broken, including loss of security and problems of abandonment. She emphasizes the damage that occurs “when a child loses ongoing intimate relationships,” and there is evidence that over time a child’s social skills decline, they become insecure, and there are cognitive effects. Perhaps Dr. Willemsen said it best in the following sentence: “[T]The most important aspect of being a whole person as a young child is your opportunity to develop well.”

GRANDPARENTS’ VISITATION RIGHTS are equally CHILDREN’S RIGHTS: A child should also have the right to remain connected to grandparents. It is an ongoing struggle by many who work to promote the preservation of the family unit by influencing legislation and the public. These GRANDPARENTS’ STATUTES of RIGHTS will highlight the fact that children are often treated like “property”, with little concern for their wants and needs. There is a need for children’s substantive issues; the LIBERTY INTERESTS of a child must be represented and no longer ignored. Children are people, not possessions.

Perhaps if children were treated more as individuals rather than “property” their true “BEST INTERESTS” would be protected.

SUSAN HOFFMAN