If you’ve read anything about body language, chances are you’ve heard that 90% of communication is non-verbal. The actual origin of this slightly distorted statistic is the research of Dr. Albert Mehrabian, who concluded in his 1971 study silent messages that communication in each conversation is 7% words, 38% sound of voice and 55% facial expression. Consequently, 90% (or rather, 93%) of all communication stems from body language. However, it would be a mistake to assume that most communication is done through body language. In everyday life, we don’t normally deny what people say, so what becomes interesting about body language and how body language becomes useful is in relation to what is said.

For patients with advanced dementia, physical appearance is an important factor in pain assessment due to reduced ability for verbal communication, but in almost other cases, a nurse would not rely on how a patient acts to suggest how much pain they are experiencing. inside, they asked the patient. Similarly, if someone is sitting on their arms and legs and has an annoyed expression on their face, you probably won’t talk to them. In this case, body language is 100% of the communication, but the only way to make sure is by talking to them. Body language betrays you by exposing your feelings and attitude, however, it is your words and their relationship to your body language that are truly central to your communication.

Despite the importance of body language in communication, without the verbal part of communication, non-verbal communication is quite limited. It is the combination of words and body language that betrays you, especially when what you say and how you act do not match. Mehrabian called the congruence or consistency between body language and words a crucial element in the study of nonverbal communication; looking for when a person’s words and actions match or not.

But surely if a person has not studied body language you have nothing to worry about. Before there were books on body language, people picked up signals without being fully aware of what they were picking up. When someone says they’re happy but doesn’t act like it, you don’t need a book on body language to help you read the signs. Even if the person you’ve been talking to hasn’t read the books, there’s a good chance your body language will betray you.

As you venture into your daily dealings with other people, what should concern you is not how you act, but how you act in relation to what you say. Your body language can be erratic and excited if you say excited things, but if you act erratic when lying, the situation is different.

But, if you’re telling the truth, why would you want to fake body language? The answer is simply that we are only human. When we say nice things to our partners or talk to our bosses, sometimes we are just too tired or just not interested. We may be talking about what we think is the most interesting or exciting thing in the world, but if we’re hungry, or tired, or sick, or just having a bad day, the words we use may be enthusiastic, but our body language tells us. will betray

How do you fake it? Most experts say you can’t fake body language. This is good news if you’ve read ‘top ten signs he likes you’ or ‘how to tell if he’s lying’. But if you’re trying to make yourself look good, this could be a problem.

So what do we do? The simple answer is that we increase the incongruity between what we say and our body language. We increase the inconsistency in two ways:

The first thing we can do is be honest. Don’t try to sound overly enthusiastic if you’re not. If you feel tired, don’t try to compensate by being overly excited. You can be excited, but don’t overdo it. If you disagree with someone, don’t lie to them. As much as possible, simply avoid answering them directly. So when your girlfriend or friend asks “Do I look fat in this?” she replies with “You look great” or “You look good in that dress” and then tries to change the subject. Whether you say yes or no, you’re probably lying. So don’t answer the question. Don’t avoid the topic, but don’t directly answer the question.

The second thing we can do is be aware of how you are acting and do something different. Congruence is all about continuity, if you are in doubt about the continuity of the signs you should be able to make it difficult to read and thus disrupt congruence.

Although telling the truth can be tricky business, disrupting your body language congruence will require you to think about how you feel and to know something about body language. It doesn’t require a lot of information, but you should be aware that body language is often thought of as working in groups, so what you’re doing with your arms is only relevant if it relates to the expression on your face and how you say it. does. they are standing. When you need to make sure someone isn’t reading everything about you from your body language, you’ll want to break down the clusters of your actions and disrupt congruence accordingly.

Body language areas to focus on:

facial expressions: if you feel bored then show interest, if you are happy show a little sadness, if you have nothing to say then act like you want to say something. When whoever is speaking gives you a chance to speak and you don’t, he will begin to question his own understanding of you.

Eye contact: lack of eye contact shows lack of interest or disappointment. Aggressively maintained eye contact shows a desire to dominate another person. Judge your own feelings and intentions and adjust your eye contact accordingly.

Play: attraction is shown through physical contact. In a dating situation, if a woman begins to touch another person, even innocently, he is showing interest in her. Avoid inappropriate contact. In the workplace, inappropriate touching is more than just a handshake. Make contact in interpersonal relationships. You may feel tested, but your partner will really appreciate that hug.

Weapons and legacies: your posture gives away all sorts of things about you. Two elements to consider are pointing arms and legs and open or closed body posture. We often show interest in someone by pointing our arms and legs at them. If we are not interested and ready to go, we may point our limbs toward the door in an effort to be ready when it really is time to go. At a very basic level, open or closed body posture is the difference between crossed arms and legs and uncrossed arms and legs. The closed body says “I don’t care and I don’t listen”. An open body says the opposite.

Voice tone: How do you normally speak? Are you a fast talker out loud, a fairly slow talker? Think about how you sound when you are angry. Don’t get too carried away. You don’t want the boss to think you’re aggressive when you’re just tired, but he thinks about volume, speed, pitch, and injecting a little emotion into your voice.

Your body language will betray you. An uncontrollable incongruence between how you’re acting and what you’re saying is going to say something you don’t want it to say. Think about what you want to say and how you feel, and then do something completely different. A little interruption goes a long way.

Interrupting body language can be hard work, and it’s not something you want to do all the time. If you use it regularly on an unusually perceptive friend, you’ll pick up on their signals and see through their strategy. By interrupting congruence when you feel insecure, you can fight the betrayal of body language.