We are often confronted with statements, actions, arguments, behavior, etc. that is extremely irritating. Whether it’s a road rage, an annoying co-worker, or a whining teenager, it’s an unfortunate but safe bet that you’ll be feeling angry several times a week. So how can you handle it when faced with a provocation that would make the Buddha shudder with rage?

one. Keep your attention on the motivation behind the tease. Is the person making you angry doing it intentionally, or is it a byproduct of words or behavior that they probably think is perfectly appropriate? If it’s the former, don’t give him the satisfaction of knowing he made it. If it’s the latter, consider whether showing annoyance would stop the behavior or simply let your opponent know that you’ve found a weak spot.

two. Breathe. This is great advice for almost any situation, but it’s especially good for dealing with anger. May react,which implies instinctive emotional feedback done without any reflection, or it can answer, which involves feedback following a pause and analysis/reflection to determine the best way to deal with the provocation. It is much better to respond than to react. There’s no reason why you can’t be silent for a few seconds (which can seem endless to you and your opponent) while you consider your options.

3. Speak softly. Most of us tend to raise our voices when we speak in anger. Therefore, it is disarming to do the opposite and speak lower. The effect is to appear reasonable and controlled (especially useful if his opponent is ranting and raving and seeming out of control) and to force his opponent to listen carefully to hear what he has to say. In Japanese culture, when two parties are arguing, the one who raises his voice first loses. It’s a difficult tactic for many of us to master, but if you can speak quietly in the face of provocation, you’ll have a much better chance of controlling your anger.

Four. Wind. Express your anger in a forum that does not pose any risk of exposing it. Writing can be helpful, but especially if you’re writing an angry reply to an email, make sure you don’t accidentally send it!

5. Exercise. That is physical ventilation. When feasible, it’s a great idea to get up and take a walk instead of marinating in a situation that makes you angry.

6. Selective release of anger. Sometimes it is entirely appropriate to express your anger at the person whose behavior has caused it. But consider the consequences of such an expression. Will you break off a relationship? Are you willing to lose ground? Will your expressed anger cause the person to react in a way that will cause you even more trouble? And when you choose to show anger, consider doing so with your words alone, but continue to speak in a low, even tone of voice. That will reinforce the gravity of your words.

And, despite our best efforts at these tactics, we all lose our temper at times. Especially in times of frustration and stress, it’s easy to let it slide. When that happens, don’t be afraid to apologize and admit that you’re human.