Over the years I have probably written hundreds of articles on
how parents can handle their teens. This, I think, is
the first I’ve written about how teenagers can ‘manage’ their parents.

Here are seven principles of care and feeding along with a
application for each.

The truth. Parents have confirmed this to me time and time again.
for over 20 years: mom and dad would rather know the
the truth about something up front, no matter how horrible it may be
to be – than to find out later that they have been lied to and cheated.

When parents know the truth, they can deal with what is real,
and things don’t get so confusing.

Application: Tell the truth, whatever it is. you may have to take
a little hot, especially if you’re being honest. the benefit is
that now there are more brains working on any problem
you face,

Trust: Trust in a family is like chips in an arcade.
In a video game place, the more chips you have, the more
games you can play

In a family, the more trust you have, the more you can
do. The more deposits you can make into your parent’s account
‘bank of trust’, more and more will be able to be in
charge of yourself.

Application: Ask yourself ‘is what I am doing am I going to build
Trust or break trust?’ When trust is broken, the mending begins
work right away. It’s a fair bet you’ve lived with these
people for a few years and they know what they need to see in
to build trust.

Nag, Nag, Nag. I have rarely seen a situation where
one person was scolding without the other person being
irresponsible in some way. If you think your parents are
scolding, look for places where he may have been
irresponsible in some way.

I can guarantee you this: parents don’t stay up late at
night thinking things like ‘OK, what can I find to scold them
about tomorrow?’ As anyone who has ever done it can tell
that scolding is not fun.

Application: Pick something your parents have been bugging
about you. Find out how to get out of the situation
taking care of him – doing homework, whatever – before he
you can even mention it. If nothing else, shock and confusion
in their faces it will be worth it.

Perspective. If you’re 16, unless you’re a really awesome
memory and can remember all the way back to the womb,
it’s a safe bet that has a 13-14 year old outlook
we live. Your parents, on the other hand, have been watching
their whole life and if they try hard they can even
remember the life before you.

That’s why sometimes it’s hard for them to see you as a
teenager becoming a young adult instead of seeing it as a child.

Application: Give them some space when you feel like they are
treating you like a child Negotiate with them. remember, they
they are only showing the love they have for you.

The W. The more confident you are, the more you can do.
The more of a certain type of structure you have, the more
freedom you will have

Parents want to know the Ws: who you’re going to be with.
What you will be doing. where will you be When is it going to be
home. Instead of seeing this as intrusive and controlling pain,
try to see it as a ticket to more freedom. yes consistently
provide their parents with this information, more and more
you will be able to do. Application: When you approach your parents
about hanging out with friends, giving them the W’s – so many
as you know, before you ask. Surprising, even positively
surprising your parents can be fun.

A resource. Because your people have lived longer than you,
they have had some more life experiences. are a wealth of
information on how to do some of life’s tasks. they might even
be a resource on how not to do something. Use them, use them. Pick their brains.
Everyone likes to feel like they have some wisdom to impart.

Application: While looking for/applying for a job, buying a car, learning
about relationships, etc., ask your parents for advice on what to do
to do and not to do, to say and not to say, etc.

Information. For better or worse, parents have this curious little
habit of being interested in your life. If you’re not sharing much
with them, they will ask questions. that configures this marvelous
little family scene:

Father: ‘How was school today?’

Teenager: “Okay.”

Father: ‘What did you do today?’

Adolescent: ‘Nothing.’

Father: ‘Come on, you must have done something!’

Irritation, shouting and slamming doors not far away.

Application: The way to avoid this nasty scenario is to
Find something in your day that you can share with your
parents. Like the anti-scolding technique, this one allows you to
get out in front of something before it becomes a problem.