Where do the years go? I will be 52 this summer. I feel like a child, I think I look good and I feel like there is so much more to do. I have done a lot, in a sense, but on the other hand I have not achieved even half of what others have achieved. I never finished college and I never raised children. I wrote some scripts, but never had the burning fire in my stomach to make them come true. I have been a good mother of pets. It’s not the equivalent of raising children, but it sure cost a lot!

Sometimes when I think I haven’t done enough, I have to pat myself on the back and understand that just surviving every day, paying my bills on time, and not jumping off a roof are major accomplishments. (Which reminds me, I need to call Alltel. They sent me a nasty text message saying my bill wasn’t paid, but of course it was!)

Speaking of bills, being self-employed has many joys, but the fear of not paying my bills on time is really a nagging, gut-gnawing anxiety. I am trying to think positively and use the law of attraction to attract abundance and success, but sometimes it scares me. Just when I start to panic, I hear that someone else has been laid off or an entire department has been outsourced, and I promise to move on and believe that I can survive on my own. Being in debt to a “boss” again and then being discarded without any voice or defense would have to be a million times worse than my daily struggles.

I’m still looking for a husband, but right now a kiss and a foot rub would be something to put in my journal. The men’s market in Charlotte is really tough. First, it is such a conservative city that people seem to be married (although they cheat …). Then secondly, I am very visually and aesthetically pampered. Let me explain that to you. In Los Angeles, not only are women the most beautiful in the world, but men are too! In Charlotte … not so much. The good news is that I went from a 2 to an 8.

Oh please. You know I’m just kidding. I’ve never been a 2. At least not in my mother’s eyes!